Beating the Internal Bully

Beating the Internal Bully

beating the internal bully, internal dialogue, how do you speak to yourself
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Zen to Zany

Every day you are talking to yourself in your head.  Often you are doing this unconsciously without really being aware of what you are doing.  Discover how this affects your life and how you can change it.

There are many things that drive people to success, and a key factor is what is known as ‘internal dialogue’. This is the dialogue that is constantly playing inside your head. It’s the voice that starts talking as soon as you do something, meet someone, or think about anything.

In many cases, this voice can be destructive and knock you down, though it is possible to quite easily harness this internal dialogue and use it to propel you to the success you desire and deserve.

You may notice that on occasion the voice is negative in what it says. For example, you see something you really want to buy and it says, “You can’t afford that.” Or you see someone you are really attracted to and the voice says, “They’re way out of your league, they’ll never go for someone like you.”

At it’s worst, and most destructive, it beats you with words like “You’re not good enough”, “You don’t deserve to be happy”, and it is this internal bully saying “You’re too fat” or “Why don’t you look like her/him?”, that causes conditions like eating disorders and depression.

We sometimes speak to ourselves in a way we would not allow others to speak to us. If a friend spoke to us in this way, we would not be friends with them for very long.

Quite obviously, this does nothing to make your life any better. Therefore, why not change the content of the voice? When it says something negative, counter it with a positive suggestion. For example, when the voice says, “You can’t afford that.” Respond mentally in a firm and positive voice with something like, “How can I afford it?” A question that empowers you and propels you into positive action. Or train yourself to positively affirm “I’m perfect just the way I am”, because everybody IS uniquely perfect.

This may take some time, and you may notice initially you do not always catch the voice and correct it. However, keep it up and before you know it, you will have changed the negative dialogue into a positive, empowering one.

You can also change the tone of the voice. What would happen if instead of the usual tone of voice saying, “I can’t afford it” you hear the voice of Homer Simpson, or Donald Duck, or any comic character saying it? You certainly wouldn’t listen to the voice and take it seriously, you would laugh at it and it’s power over you would be broken.

This technique can be extended to helping you motivate yourself to do something. When faced with the washing up, what do you hear in your head? Do you hear a whiny voice saying something like, “You really ought to do the washing up or you’ll get into trouble” or a commanding and scary voice saying, “Wash up NOW!”?

What would happen if the voice were a soft and really seductive voice speaking in your head? The sort of voice that gives you shivers down your back. What if it said something like, “Let’s do the washing up big boy.”? How would that motivate you?

Stephen King, the author, uses this technique with his writing. When he has to write he hears this very loud and powerful voice shouting at him as if through a megaphone saying something like, “WRITE NOW!!!!!” It almost scares him in to writing.

However, you don’t need to scare yourself into action. You can change your internal dialogue to be anything you want; whatever works best for you to motivate you and help you to get where you want to be.

Listen to your internal dialogue and play with changing the tone, volume and tempo to find the type of voice that works best for you. Create a number of different types of voices, one for motivation, one to stop you doing things, one to make you feel loved, one to make you feel happy and so on.

Mastering your internal dialogue is a major key in mastering your life.

Beating the Internal Bully 

2 thoughts on “Beating the Internal Bully”

  1. Great post! Mine usually takes on the voice of my mother, lol. I love the idea of changing the voice to something funny, I shall certainly give that a go. I was quite shocked when I realised how negative my inner voice was and have been taking steps to amend that for a while now. Since becoming more positive and empowered, my life has really changed for the better. Great tips, thanks! Andrea

    1. Thank you for your comment Andrea. Yes, the way we speak to ourselves leads to what we attract from others. By becoming more positive and loving to ourselves, we change what we attract too, and i totally hear the ‘mother’ voice too. Blessings

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